Lately, I have been feeling this great sadness when I think about myself as a child. I think the biggest impact is when I look at my own children and I think about myself as a small child, I feel bad for her. I believe that no one has an easy childhood. It seems that most people in my generation of the 80’s child has gone through something that has affected them as an adult.
Many of the traumas that we speak of most of us don’t even consider a trauma. Yes, there are “small t” and “big t” traumas, but even so, when we think of trauma, we think of some horrible thing that left an impact on us.
Well, here is the thing, that thing, that “trauma”, whether you consider it trauma or not, impacted your life in some way and changed the way you think. That so-called “non trauma” changed the way you relate to others or behave around other people. Or it changed how you cope with difficulties in your life and your relationship with money.
So, whether or not it seems like a true trauma to you, it has affected you as an adult. The hardest part is recognizing how your past has affected you as a parent. Sometimes we see ourselves repeating patterns of our parents OR we are trying so hard not to become our parents that we end up trying to control our children and not allow them to make their own mistakes.
So trauma aside, lets look at the inner child, the one in yourself and what that means.
What is the Inner Child?
The inner child refers to the childlike aspects of our personality. The experiences, emotions, and memories of our early childhood. It includes the positive, joyful qualities of innocence, wonder, and playfulness, but also the emotional pain, unmet needs, and traumas we experienced during our formative years.
As children, we are highly impressionable. Our interactions with caregivers, teachers, peers, and the environment leave a deep imprint on our souls. When these interactions are loving and supportive, we develop a strong sense of self-worth and emotional resilience. However, when we experience neglect, emotional abuse, abandonment, or unprocessed trauma, these wounds can stay with us into adulthood.
Healing your inner child involves revisiting and processing these experiences, providing the nurturing and care you may not have received at the time. This process can be profoundly healing for those struggling with unresolved emotional pain, self-esteem issues, or mental health struggles such as anxiety and depression.
The Impact of Inner Child Healing on Mental Health
Healing your inner child can lead to significant improvements in mental health. When you begin to acknowledge the emotional needs of your younger self, you create space for growth, healing, and self-compassion. This process also helps you see your children in a different way and parent them in a more nurturing environment.
The key ways to heal your inner child involve steps to reconnect with yourself as a child and give yourself love and nurturing. This can often be a difficult process and many times emotions or memories can re-surface that are hard to face. It is also a very emotional experience as you sit with yourself as a child and feel the emotions of that little child. It also makes you face the way you parent and sometimes feelings of guilt or fear can surface.
I always recommend doing inner child healing work with a professional who can walk you through the emotions that surface during the process. I have worked with many on their inner child healing journey, and it always comes with deep emotions but also great reward.
Here are the steps to healing your inner child:
- Improving Self-Worth and Self-Love
Many people struggle with feelings of low self-worth because their inner child still carries the emotional scars from childhood experiences. This could stem from feeling unloved, unseen, or unsupported or maybe you were bullied by your peers. By reconnecting with the inner child and providing the love and validation you were denied, you can significantly increase your sense of self-worth as an adult.
- Releasing Unprocessed Emotional Pain
As children, we may not have the emotional tools or language to process difficult feelings. Painful experiences—whether it’s bullying, neglect, or family conflict—can lead to emotional wounds that remain unresolved. Many of us choose to bury these wounds, sometimes consciously and other times subconsciously. Unfortunately, the soul and the body never forget. You will see these emotions manifest as anxiety, depression, fear of abandonment, or trust issues in adulthood.
When you begin the work of healing your inner child, you start to process these experiences. This often involves acknowledging the pain, expressing it, and allowing yourself to feel what you didn’t have the chance to as a child. Releasing this emotional burden can help reduce anxiety, shame, and self-doubt while promoting emotional freedom.
- Strengthening Emotional Resilience
Your inner child holds the emotional memories of your earliest challenges, and by healing it, you can begin to build greater emotional resilience. Healing allows you to face your fears, develop healthy coping strategies, and better manage stress. Rather than being overwhelmed by life’s challenges, you can respond with a greater sense of calm, compassion, and confidence.
By acknowledging your inner child’s wounds and giving it the love it needs, you become better equipped to deal with life’s difficulties without being triggered by past trauma or insecurities. This also leads to parenting stronger and more resilient children.
- Healing Relationship Patterns
Unhealed inner child wounds can lead to dysfunctional relationship patterns—such as fear of intimacy, avoidance, emotional dependence, or attachment issues. By healing the inner child, you can break free from these patterns, learn how to establish healthy boundaries, and form more secure, loving relationships.
The inner child work encourages you to parent your children to also become strong individuals who are able to set healthy boundaries, feel loved and secure.
- Boosting Creativity and Playfulness
As adults, we often suppress these aspects of ourselves in favor of responsibility or productivity. But, reconnecting with your inner child can help you reclaim joy, curiosity, and a sense of wonder in the world.
You can also learn a great deal from your own children. They are a great example of how to embrace playfulness, creativity, and spontaneity. Whether it’s through painting, dancing, or simply enjoying the beauty of nature, this creativity fosters mental clarity and emotional relief, helping to counterbalance the stresses of daily life.
Here are some steps you can take to begin this transformative journey:
- Connect with Your Inner Child
The first step in healing your inner child is to acknowledge its presence. Sit quietly and close your eyes, imagining the younger version of yourself. What was your childhood like? How did you feel? What were your needs? What would your younger self want to say to you? Journaling or meditating can be helpful practices in this process.
- Offer Compassion and Nurturing
Next, re-parent your inner child by offering it the love, safety, and nurturing it may have lacked in childhood. This could involve telling your inner child that it is loved, safe, and accepted. Imagine providing the comfort and security that might have been missing. Affirmations such as “You are enough” or “You are worthy of love and care” can be powerful tools in this process.
- Process Old Wounds
Healing your inner child often involves acknowledging past pain and allowing yourself to feel the emotions that you may have repressed. This could mean revisiting past traumas or simply letting yourself grieve for lost time, unhealed wounds, or unmet needs. Therapy, journaling, and emotional release techniques (like crying, yelling, or physical movement) can help you process these emotions.
- Set Healthy Boundaries
Often, your inner child has learned to navigate the world by either shutting down emotionally or over-giving to gain validation. Part of healing the inner child is learning to set healthy boundaries in relationships, ensuring that you no longer allow others to mistreat you or abandon your own needs.
- Reclaim Playfulness and Creativity
Engage in activities that allow you to reconnect with the joyful, playful aspect of yourself. Whether it’s playing a game, creating art, dancing, or simply having fun, this helps you honor the child within and nurture your emotional well-being.
Conclusion
Healing your inner child is not only a way to heal past wounds but also a pathway to a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. By reconnecting with and nurturing your inner child, you can boost your self-worth, release emotional pain, strengthen your resilience, and cultivate meaningful relationships. Most importantly, this healing process allows you to create a more loving and compassionate relationship with yourself, which is the foundation for positive mental health.
If you’re ready to begin your inner child healing journey, take small steps and be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, but with patience and self-compassion, it can transform your mental health and bring you a renewed sense of peace and joy.
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