It is not easy being a parent today. It is a different world than the world where we grew up. You can’t just throw your kids outside to play and trust they will be ok. We are constantly reminded by social media and the news of the dangerous people in our world and the horror stories of what has happened to other children. This leaves us as anxiety ridden mommies caring for anxiety ridden children!
I constantly catch myself saying, “Be Careful!!” all day long.
“Be careful jumping off the couch, you could hurt your leg!”
“Be careful by the road, don’t go by the road!”
“Be careful playing around your sister”
“Be careful on your bike, don’t fall!”
How can we avoid this?
One way you can avoid yelling “Be Careful!” is rewording how you talk to your kids. I have done this and I find it very effective. Basically, you just explain the situation and the possible outcome to your kids in a calm tone. Key word being “Calm“.
If your anything like me, every time you go to the grocery store you are frantic and want to be sure your kids are always in your sight (probably because my Mom told me about a human trafficking story where a woman was stalked around target and her kids were almost stolen out of her own car)! I always end up like a madwoman in the store, totally distracted and probably look like the perfect target for a predator because I am all over the place. If I would have just explained to my older boys, “Hey, when we get in the store, can you please stay close so I can see you and don’t run off.” My 4 year old will ask me, “why?” and I’ll tell him, “There are a lot of nice people, but not all people are nice, Buddy, so I need to make sure you are safe and stay close to me” He will say, “oh ok” and maybe actually listen.
Another example, instead of yelling, “Be careful near your little sister!!” Say, “Hey, you are really fast and jump really high, sometimes your Sister crawls under your feet. Can you make sure she is out of your way before you jump so you both don’t bump into each other?” Doesn’t this just make you feel calmer already? Sometimes this will only work with older children, but it’s good practice to start when they are younger., even if they don’t fully understand. If we just slow down and explain, kids are smart, they will understand.
Also, just by reading the words above, you should already feel calmer. You are not yelling or anxious when talking to your kids, and they have a better understanding of why they are being cautious. Its a win, win.
So does yelling “Be Careful!” make our kids anxious?
I am not a psychiatrist, but from my experience, I think in some ways it makes our kids more cautious of the world and afraid to take risks when we tell them to “be careful” all the time. It does not create a diagnosis of anxiety disorder. There is much more involved with genetics and the stability of a child’s home and surroundings that lead to a diagnosis of anxiety disorder.
An example from my personal experience, My oldest Son is 6 years old, he has always been an overly cautious child, slow to warm up to new situations, and shows more anxiety than my other children. He will ask “Is Daddy going to be ok?” when my Husband leaves the house or “Watch Sissy Mommy, she could fall and hit her head!” when she is trying to climb. I don’t think I created his overly cautious behavior (at least I hope), that was really his personality all along. But when I yell, “BE CAREFUL!” all day long around him, I do think it adds to his anxiety about situations. Now I am much more aware of how I discuss situations around him. I want to be able to tell my kids to be cautious of their surroundings without terrifying them of the world or deterring them from trying new experiences.
The bottom line is, we are not perfect. We are going to have stressful days where we are multitasking and we are going to yell, “Be Careful!” 100 times. Take advantage of the opportunities to slow down and explain the “why” behind the “be careful”. Either way, you are a great Mom and you care for your kids. They feel that love. You’ve got this.
Brenna