As a mother, it’s easy to lose track of yourself. Between the daily demands of raising children, maintaining a household, and trying to carve out even a little bit of time for yourself, your own identity can feel like it’s slipping away. For many of us, especially as we approach milestones like birthdays, that sense of loss can feel overwhelming.
I’ll be turning 39 soon, and I usually enjoy birthdays. I love celebrating others—decorating the house, picking out thoughtful gifts, and making their day special. But when it comes to my birthday this year, I’ve been struggling. It’s not the number that’s bothering me, but the sense that something inside me isn’t quite satisfied. And I can’t help but wonder, “Where did I go?”
It’s a feeling many mothers share—a nagging sense that, somewhere along the way, we’ve put our dreams and goals on hold. We often push them aside in the name of being a good mom, partner, or professional, but they never truly disappear. Instead, they sit in the background, quietly haunting us. There’s this constant whisper, “You should be doing more. You’re missing something.”
For me, it’s not about owning material things or having a perfectly curated life. It’s about a deeper calling. I’ve always had this sense that I’m meant to be part of something bigger, to contribute in a way that lights up my soul. Yet, in the chaos of daily life, I find myself constantly putting that feeling on hold—prioritizing the needs of others and the endless to-do list.
The Haunting of Unfulfilled Dreams
I know I’m not alone in this. Many of us who are dreamers, who feel like we’re meant for something more, find ourselves stuck in the monotony of day-to-day life. We juggle the responsibilities of motherhood, work, and running a household, all while feeling the weight of our unfulfilled aspirations.
It’s not that we don’t love our families or that we aren’t grateful for the life we’ve built. But there’s this undeniable pull toward something greater. I see friends who seem perfectly content with their lives, and I wonder, “Why can’t I feel that way?” But then, I remember that each of us has a unique journey. Some of us are wired differently, with a constant drive to pursue something beyond the norm.
The Guilt That Never Goes Away
What makes this struggle even harder is the guilt that accompanies it. As moms, we often feel like we should be content with the lives we’ve created. After all, we have healthy children, a roof over our heads, and food on the table. Shouldn’t that be enough?
But here’s the thing: We can be grateful for what we have and still want more for ourselves. That desire doesn’t make us bad mothers or ungrateful partners. It makes us human. Yet, society—and even our own inner critic—tells us that wanting more is selfish, that focusing on ourselves means we’re failing in some way.
I can’t count how many times I’ve felt guilty for wanting time for myself, for dreaming of something beyond motherhood. It’s as if rest, self-care, and pursuing my dreams are indulgences I haven’t earned. Instead of taking the time to nurture myself, I often find myself bouncing from task to task, never allowing myself a moment to just be.
Motherhood is Exhausting—Physically and Emotionally
Let’s face it: motherhood is exhausting. Yes, it’s one of the most rewarding jobs, but it’s also relentless. From the moment we wake up (often to the sound of a baby crying or a toddler needing something) until we collapse into bed at night, we’re on. And even then, the work isn’t done. We wake up in the night to soothe our children, our minds racing with all the things we didn’t get to during the day.
The emotional toll can be just as heavy. Motherhood, as beautiful as it is, can feel isolating and, dare I say, degrading at times. We give so much of ourselves, often without the recognition or validation that we’re doing enough. And the truth is, in our hearts, we already feel like we’re falling short, no matter how much we do.
Social Media and the Pressure of Perfection
To make things harder, we’re constantly bombarded with messages that we’re not doing enough. I remember reading a post about the importance of limiting screen time for kids, and it hit me hard. I agree with the message—of course, I want my children to be outside more, to engage in creative activities. But on days when I’m at my wit’s end, when I haven’t even managed to brush my teeth or drink my coffee, screen time can feel like my only lifeline.
Seeing that post on a day when my kids were glued to their tablets while I tried to catch up on household tasks made me feel like a failure. Even though I had spent the morning making a healthy breakfast and organizing an educational scavenger hunt, it still didn’t feel like enough.
The pressure to be the perfect mom—always engaged, always patient, always present—can feel crushing. And yet, deep down, we know that perfection doesn’t exist. It’s a standard we can never meet, but we keep chasing it anyway.
Finding Your Purpose Again
So, how do we find ourselves again in the midst of motherhood? How do we balance the demands of daily life with the haunting feeling that we’re meant for more?
First, we need to give ourselves permission to want more. It’s okay to dream. It’s okay to pursue something for yourself, even if it means carving out time from an already packed schedule. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and taking time to pursue your passions will ultimately make you a better mother, partner, and person.
Second, we need to let go of the guilt. Easier said than done, I know. But we have to remind ourselves that rest is not a reward; it’s a necessity. You are doing enough. You are enough.
Lastly, it’s important to find a village. Whether it’s friends, family, or an online community of like-minded mothers, we need people who understand the struggle and who can lift us up when we’re feeling overwhelmed.
If you’re reading this and feeling like you’ve lost yourself in the chaos of motherhood, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel this way. And it’s okay to dream big. You are more than just a mother—you are a whole person with your own desires, passions, and purpose. Take the time to find her again.
Because you deserve it.
