Here’s a confession: My kids aren’t the background of my phone. I don’t have their pictures in my bedroom, and I never placed their photos on my desk at work. Sounds awful, right? Maybe even selfish. But the truth is, I was—and still am—on a journey to rediscover me. I wanted to hold onto the person I was, the person I am, outside of motherhood. I wanted to remind myself daily that my identity is more than just “Mom.” And that’s okay.
Motherhood is filled with love, joy, and so many cherished moments, but it also brings something we rarely talk about: the feeling of being unseen. I’ve realized recently that this has been one of the hardest parts for me. From the outside, it looks like I’m busy fulfilling this important role—caregiver, nurturer, protector—but inside, there are days when I feel invisible.
There’s a constant flood of requests, tasks, and responsibilities: “I need, I need, I need”… “Mom, look!”… “Mom, I’m hungry!”… “Mom, he took my toy!” The never-ending demands feel like a relentless wave crashing over me, leaving me overstimulated, overworked, and with no real breaks. There’s always someone crying, someone needing something. You’re everything to everyone, yet you feel like nothing to yourself.
When I was working at a traditional 9-5 job, I was also overworked, but there were built-in breaks. I could sit down for 15 minutes, even if just at my desk or hiding in my car, to breathe. There were legal mandates for that time to myself. But motherhood? There’s no such thing. There’s no “clocking out,” no scheduled time to reset. You’re emotionally drained from the second you open your eyes until the moment the last child finally falls asleep, and even then, they might wake up crying for you in the middle of the night.
It’s exhausting, and it can make you feel like a robot, going through the motions, day after day. Of course, I know I’ll miss these moments—miss my littles needing me, being there for every scraped knee or silly story—but right now, at 39, I feel tired. Not just physically tired but emotionally worn out. And with that exhaustion comes a deeper, more unsettling feeling: I feel unseen.
The Invisible Me: More Than “Mom”
Sometimes I wonder—Who am I? Who was I before all of this?
Motherhood is a beautiful thing, but it’s also consuming. When you’re everything to everyone else, you start to lose a sense of who you are. I need creativity, purpose, and partnership to feel fulfilled. I crave a sense of community and a deeper connection to the world outside of being a wife and mother. Without those things, I don’t feel whole. And yet, my time is so limited, my energy so drained, I can barely find a moment to focus on anything else.
There’s never a quiet moment to think or create. It feels like someone is always around—needing me, crying for me, or asking me something. Even when I tell myself, “Tonight, when they all go to bed, I’m going to work on me,” life has other plans. Sometimes they don’t go to bed. Sometimes they wake up or someone gets sick, and my focus is shattered. Sometimes I’m just so tired, I can’t think clearly enough to do anything but collapse.
Craving Community and Connection: Finding Your Village, Finding Yourself
A sense of community is so crucial for everyone, but especially for Moms. Having friends who can step in, even for a little while, so you can have time to recharge or work on your own dreams is essential. But not everyone has that built-in village, and when you don’t, you have to get creative in building one. Whether it’s trading off playdates with another mom, hiring help when possible, or leaning on family—if you’re lucky enough to have them nearby—it’s about finding ways to carve out those precious minutes to be something other than “Mom.”
The journey of motherhood is full of love, but it can also feel isolating and overwhelming. If you feel unseen, remember that you are not alone in this. It’s okay to seek community, to ask for help, and to give yourself time to rediscover who you are outside of the role of “Mom.”
Here are some ways to find community outside of your home:
- Join a local women’s group
- Go to a park or playground and chat with other Moms
- Attend a Mommy and Me class
- Sign up for story time or play days at the local library
- Volunteer at school or with PTO
- Join a gym with childcare
- Use social media groups or communities
- Start a playgroup or co-op
- Go to church events or join a church community
The common thread in all of the above groups is finding places other Moms hang out, go there, and start chatting. I guarantee those Moms are struggling with the same challenges and a conversation or a Mom date over coffee would mean so much to both of you. Don’t be afraid to be the one to initiate a playdate or exchanging numbers. Most importantly, make sure these groups you join or communities are supportive and helpful! We have enough on our plate, we dont need judged, criticized, or to feel guilty about any choices we are making. We are surviving.
Seeking Yourself Amid the Noise
Feeling unseen in motherhood isn’t selfish. It’s human. It’s the result of constantly giving and never receiving—of putting everyone else’s needs above your own for so long that you forget you have needs too.
But here’s what I’ve learned: It’s okay to seek yourself. It’s okay to want more. To want time to nurture your creativity, to pursue your passions, to take a break from the endless caregiving. Needing space to feel like an individual again doesn’t mean you love your children any less. It means you’re trying to preserve the parts of yourself that make you whole, so you can continue to give them the best of you.
The first step is acknowledging how you feel. Once you do that, you can start finding ways—no matter how small—to take back some of your time. Maybe that’s waking up 15 minutes earlier, trading playdates, or letting the laundry wait one more day so you can read a book, go for a walk, or just sit in silence.
And most importantly, don’t feel guilty for wanting more. We’re allowed to dream, to create, to live fully in all of our roles, not just the one that demands the most from us.
Motherhood will always be a part of you, but it doesn’t have to be all of you. Give yourself permission to be seen, to be heard, and to be you—because you matter too.
